Letter Boxed is a section for letters to "I'D RATHER BE DEAD THAN FAT"
In loving memory of Alison Beckit
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Lisa- I belong to an eating disorders therapy group. Two days ago, one of the girls in the group, one of my best friends from within the group, Alison Beckit, died of anorexia. She hadn't been to the group in a month, but she called me each time to tell me to tell the therapists that she wouldn't be in because she wasn't feeling well. The last time I saw her was on the Wednesday before she died. She apparently weighed 54 pounds, at 4'11. It looked like she weighed less, sadly enough.
I'm going to her funeral tomorrow, where she will be buried in her hometown of San Francisco. I'm flying all the way from my home in Dublin, Ireland, to attend. Ali had moved to Dublin because her father's business required it. Since she moved to Dublin, Ali's eating disorder supposedly worsened. She had arrived in Dublin at 90 pounds, but dipped to below 60 in less than 6 months. Her parents promptly put her in the eating disorders therapy group.
But 15-year-old Ali died seven months after starting the therapy.
The way I am feeling right now is indescribable. I feel this void in my heart (which I'm trying not to fill with food) and stomach, the feeling that things will only get worse. I know I shouldn't, but I take credit for Ali's death. I feel like, as her friend, I should have done something. I should have helped her, since I understood her and her feelings better than almost anyone else.
She confided in me, and yet I wasn't able to say anything that would guide her towards recovery, since I didn't know what to say that could possibly help someone in her situation. Even in the last few months, when she ate less than 50 calories a day, almost every other day eating nothing at all, I couldn't help her. I figured that telling her to eat wasn't going to do any good.
Would it have? What could I have done? I'm so confused and helpless.
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* * * NOTE FROM LISA * * *
I am so sorry to hear of your loss, of the world's loss, of 15 yr old Alison Beckit to this ruthless cunning and baffling diseaseÉ. And sadly, no, there was NOTHING you could do. Being there to listen to her was A LOT, trust me, it is the most anyone can do for another person. And you understood her deeply and she knew that. Anorexia is not a logical illness and her death is not logical either. I am so sorry, I know you are hurting. My hope is that someone will read your letter and will consider getting help. I promise you, having worked in this field for years now, people DIE from this disease, AT ALL WEIGHTS AND AGES, and it is not anyone's fault. That is why it is even harder to deal with.
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Hi Lisa!
I think your site is very good, and that you are great for helping those with eating disorders. I have bulimia, but I really don't think I could die from it. I can understand dying from anorexia due to getting so thin, but bulimia keeps me the same weight so how could it kill me.
Take care! Nicola
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* * * NOTE FROM LISA * * *
Dear Nicola, I wish that anorexia was the only eating disorder that caused death, but it is NOT. You can DIE FROM BULIMIA. You can die from compulsive eating as well. People with bulimia often die from an electrolyte imbalance, heart problems, kidney failure, lack of potassium and/or liver failure. People often die from bulimia because they keep their eating disorder secret (and people don't guess because often the person maintains a "normal" weight) and no one attempts to help them. It is an extremely SERIOUS illness and it CAN lead to DEATH. If you are lucky enough not to kill yourself, you can expect a variety of medical problems (teeth erosion, heart problems, esphogous damage, stomach & digestive problems, bone loss, muscular damage, hormonal imbalances, depression, etc. etc.).
Please believe me, YOU CAN DIE FROM BULIMIA. see kimmy
I would not lie to you about that.
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Alison, You are missed, sweet Angel!!
