I m a g e I n t e r v e n t i o n
To see my video diary (my personal version of an "Image Intervention) you can try to find a copy of Dateline NBC from April 4th, 1999...
Eating disorders are unique for many reasons, but one reason is that they have a rather distinct visual image connected to them (for both the ones with an eating disorder and the ones without). I believe that this is part of a metaphor of unexpressed pain. If a person feels s/he can't speak about their fears, thoughts, hurts, and ideas (etc.) then that person feels SILENCED. But what if they subconsciously or consciously figure out a way to express those things, not with words, but with their own bodies?
(Click down to "An Image Diary" to read about the exact exercise.)
Humans are interesting because we can manipulate our bodies to a certain extent. We can't change our height (unless we stunt our own growth via malnutrition, or, as I did, starve ourselves into osteoporosis and lose height from our deteriorating bones which CANNOT grow back, by the way). We can't change our skin color (except some can by tanning, which, not-so-accidentally can cause cancer if we overdo it). We can't change anything drastically unless we risk it (plastic surgery for example). And I don't think it is an accident that when we decide to really manipulate our bodies that great medical consequences can occur. (think about it)
In the eating disorders, IMAGE is a big component. It is no accident either that if we feel unable to share our pain verbally that we might try to share it physically. For example, if daughter feels silenced by the family and overbearing sibling, perhaps daughter will starve herself to look as small as she feels. Smart, in a way, but it doesn't end up working. Instead of being seen for who she is by the family, she will now be seen as the "crazy one" and that won't help at all. Likewise, if a man feels he is not good enough for his work and fears he doesn't have what it takes, maybe he will (unconsciously) grow larger and gain weight, in effort to "take up space" in the world and appear to be someone to contend with (in actuality he feels as small as the anorexic girl). Instead of feeling more powerful, however, society jumps on his biggest fear (not being good enough) and teases him for his weight. This adds to his depression and already-low-self-esteem and the only comfort that doesn't mock him is the quiet reassurance of food.
BODY IMAGE is such a major part of eating disorders... and our attempts to "speak" through our bodies usually backfires and we end up with the kind of attention we don't want and we remain without the attention we DO want. It is a tricky, tricky disease. Borrowing from wisdom of the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous, I would say eating disorders are "cunning, baffling and powerful".
I have a suggestion regarding the issue of IMAGE in eating disorders. It ended up helping me, though, BEWARE that it may not help you (or your loved ones or your clients) in the same way or at all, in fact, if done at the wrong time with the wrong patient, it could be damaging.... so please think before you act!!
The idea that a person with an eating disorder is attempting to express his or her pain through their body is how I came up with this idea. Photo or video diaries that would chart a few "days in the life of..." may help you later to see your own pain and suffering in a way you are unable to see it now. Try, for example, taking a few photos of yourself (dressed minimally) during a particular bad day in your disease. Put the photos aside (don't dwell on the images until you are ready!). I'd even suggest to photograph or videotape yourself during an eating disorder "act" such as a binge, a purge, an excessive exercise routine, a trip to the bathroom after swallowing laxatives, etc. etc. Make sure you keep this image diary SAFE and SECURE. It is for yourself and perhaps a therapist or VERY trusted friend or other professional or, if you want, ME. After you have made an image diary of some kind (do your own kind, be creative!) put it aside for a while. Don't immediately watch or look at the images. It will not be useful or have a profound effect if you contemplate them right away. In fact, wait a while. Maybe tell your therapist that you did an image diary, or mark in your calendar a day about 5-6 months into the future upon which you can pull it out and look at it. Or wait even longer if you can or how it feels right. During the diary you may want to say to the video camera or write down next to the photos some thoughts you are having about your eating disorder that day. Again, it will be powerful to hear your own words, see your own image months later to get a perspective on how exactly is the eating disorder effecting your life.
Some of you may have seen the Dateline NBC segment regarding my struggle with eating disorders. I was blessed in having Dateline even be interested in my story, as I am not (and was never) dramatically skinny (though I very much had anorexia) nor dramatically overweight (though I very much had compulsive eating)... but the one thing Dateline did appreciate about my story was a videotape I had made during a rather bad week in my anorexia. I had spoken to myself on the video, in a strange attempt to tell myself that I wasn't happy despite such hard work at being sick. I talked to my "future self" to warn her that it wasn't worth it, in case, in the future, I might fool myself into thinking there is such a thing as "thin enough" again. At the time of the videotaping, I was rather out of it and had NO clue that the video would end up ANYWHERE but in my storage files. Five years later it aired on national television and it continues to help me remember where I don't want to go (back!). Now, I am not suggesting anyone do an image diary with the thoughts that it might be televised, that is not useful nor accurate. You need to do it for YOURSELF and TO yourself, your future self, and for no other person or reason. If it sounds like it would not help you, DON'T DO IT. If it sounds like something you might in the future watch and remember where you don't want to go, or how you want to fight harder to get better because it was such an awful, ugly time, then give it a try. It's just an idea, and a warning to your future self, and a diary of how you are spending your life (your energy, your health) at a particular moment in your own personal history, nothing more. You can make up your own version of this or work with a therapist on how something like this could be beneficial. PLEASE don't use it as YET ANOTHER tool to hurt yourself. It would break my heart and it would mean writing this idea down was a mistake. All of us have been abused (by others, by our own hands) enough to fill up several lifetimes, there is no need to add more abuse to the already overflowing, boiling pot.
Good luck. If you want to share an image diary (photos with your words at the time) with me and may even want to have it up on this web site, please contact me at: imagediary@anorexicweb.com and we'll chat about it!!
