O u t W e i g h
words and pictures
by and of the webmistress
| O u t W e i g h words and pictures by and of the webmistress | |||||||
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O u t W e i g h By Lisa Arndt ~ January 1, 2005
I can barely hear you over these voices in my head- You’ll have to talk bigger Show me more anger To outweigh these opinions of mine.
Why do your eyes wander? Can’t stand it any longer? Does my body tell you something About how I feel? Does it remind you of your own hate and disgust for the world? Or is it just pity Weep Weep Weeping For me
Can’t keep this charade up for much longer But I still have stories to tell If my body changes, will you stop listening? Will you fail to believe That when I say I’m in pain, it’s no longer so very wide and so very deep?
My body has to match Provide a torture map Just in case you don’t get it Just in case you forget Think you can relax and breathe Resting now, the crisis is over; the world again is at ease When really nothing has changed Stupid scale, stupid weight They say you don’t measure pain But when I look like everyone else, my weight normal again, You can sit back Job well done, relax relax relax at last -
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Photos are not related to the poem! | ||||||||||||||||||
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Above photo: casting a circle with sand Stepping completely outside of my role as eating disorder specialist, I am now not only a Wiccan Priestess, but actually a legally recognized "reverend" and therefore I can marry people in the state of California. I recently married (it's called "Handfasting" in Wicca) my two great friends, Jason and Mina, on the Winter Solstice. It was an amazing and beautiful experience!! Below photo: the official handfasting | ||||||||||||||||||
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- And I can’t seem to tell you, scream loud enough For you to get it Let it sink in Along with your meal supplements, exchanges for nutrition Drowning out my demands A hunger fed grows quiet And then there’s no one left listening The show’s over The dance complete All is well And until the bruises swell, the dizziness refuses to subside Life will go on And on And on And on
To a nauseating rhythm I used to use to torment myself at the gym Now I can hear it echoing in the streets All us “normies” back to work, back to play Back to pretending That everything is okay.
Well I’m not interested Even if I eat I’m not interested in pretending There is something in me, and I just can’t do it Keep up appearances Keep up the monotonous whispers Keep up the shallow mind
I know it’s easy to think an eating disorder is more shallow Than your confinement to day-to-day (day-after-day) life But my shattering of the mirror is not a simple crash Stupid soap opera of diets-gone-wrong It’s bigger than that Louder than that And it’s the only way I can seem to get you listening.
trinity copyright 2005 | ||||||||||||||||||
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above: Invoking Divinity to bless the couple below: done with the ceremony! | ||||||||||||||||||
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below: me and the beautiful bride and groom, two of my closest friends! | ||||||||||||||||||
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above: me and Caleb Of course- when the weddings are done I'm back to my passion and intrigue with pop-culture's take on eating disorders. to the left: I bought this shirt in Venice Beach. Notice my cat trying to climb up my leg... Good thing my shirt doesn't say "please don't feed the cats."!! | |||||||||
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trinity copyright 2005 | ||
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