Tricks of the Trade

• LAXATIVE ABUSE

I want to pull this trick out of the closet immediately. No more tip-toeing around, okay... Laxative abuse occurs ALL THE TIME in people with eating disorders, you are not, nor have you ever been, the only one. My own experience with laxatives got pretty UGLY for a while there, I was downing 50 laxatives a day (yes, I've heard of much higher and much lower numbers, so no comparisons please!). Laxatives, also called "stool softeners" are meant to be for medical use, to alleviate constipation (hard painful stools) and usually are only needed for elderly persons whose bodies are breaking down. Unfortunately, some people have mistakenly used laxatives to lose weight, as I heard about them for the first time in this context at the impressionable early stages of anorexia... and I thought it was the greatest news, a trick to help me in my battle to drop the pounds... instead it turned against me, hurt me, and almost cost the girl who told me about them her LIFE.

Laxative abuse is a NIGHTMARE for both your body and your mind, and laxative abuse will NOT bring you THINNESS, in fact, abusing laxatives will eventually decrease both your precious metabolism as well as your entire digestive track and TRUST ME there is nothing beautiful about having bowel problems. Long-time laxative abusers will GAIN WEIGHT without an increase in calories (due to the metabolism damage as well as chronic painful constipation) and increase their chances of DEATH. I worked with a laxative abuser who had to have half of her colon removed at the age of 32, a procedure usually reserved for 80-year-old men. Laxative abusers will start to SMELL eventually and it can't be covered up with perfume. Laxative abusers spend much of their time looking for a private bathroom because the noise and smell that one endures. It is painful too. So why do people abuse laxatives at all? Well, because laxatives cause a body to lose WATER WEIGHT and thus, when first used, appear to assist in weight loss. However, it is NOT REAL WEIGHT that is being lost. Every calorie consumed is still digested by the body, you simply lose more water than usual because the laxatives induce soft stool by adding water to the stool. That's the "secret" that has KILLED a number of people. Stupid water weight that you will GAIN right back as soon as you re-hydrate yourself (by drinking no calorie water). It's a LIE that laxatives cause any real weight loss. Ask a doctor if you don't believe me. In addition to this outrageous lie, laxatives are PHYSICALLY ADDICTING. That means, if you use them your body will start to depend on them in order to have a normal bowel movement. Your colon muscles will get lazy and you'll have to take laxatives just to be normal and the number of actual laxatives needed will increase as well. This cycle is VICIOUS and can absolutely RUIN your life without any "benefit" of weight loss that is lasting or real, and, in fact, there is a risk of weight GAIN.

So put down the fucking laxatives as fast as you can... please. (Do it yourself by tapering off, one less each day until there are none, or seek help from a medical doctor, you can even contact a doctor on the internet for advice).

THE NUMBER ONE TRICK? HIDING FROM YOURSELF!

• DIURETIC ABUSE

Much like laxatives, diuretics, also called "water pills", are intended for medical use, to decrease bloating during a woman's period or water retention in the stomach caused by other medical problems. Guess what?? Diuretics don't work as weight loss tools either. You haven't stumbled upon a great weight loss discovery, you've stumbled upon a completely useless unrelated medicine that won't help you in your anorexic quests. Sorry. Diuretics may, when first used (correctly used too), reduce bloating (that, most likely, you are imagining in the first place) and any small weight loss is only WATER WEIGHT since that is what diuretics target and reduce through the urine.

At one point, during my bulimic years, my urine turned BLUE because I was abusing these deceptive pills. BLUE urine is NOT a sign of health. I could have DIED from dehydration when I was at my heaviest weight. If you want to die from a lack of water in your body while slowing down your already traumatized metabolism, then diuretics are for you. (yes I'm being sarcastic). My worst nightmare was dying at my fattest weight and ironically that was when I was most likely to keel over, because I was gulping down a handful of diuretics. laxatives, and diet pills every morning. I completely corrupted my immune system, metabolism, and digestive track. Eating only 1,000 calories a day, I was GAINING weight because my poor shocked body was suffering. At the height of this period of time (I was in college), I was also bingeing at night and I developed a very high fever (I became delirious) and was sick in bed for TWO MONTHS as a direct result of my pill popping behavior. I can NOT blame anyone but myself for this out-right destruction and incredibly bad decision making. I knew each day, swallowing my precious pills, that I was making a choice to ingest them... and I had a chant: SWALLOW = HALLOW and those months were the worst ones of my life. The pills were not working at all, actually they were causing me to gain weight, and the damage to my system could have KILLED me at the ripe old age of 19. The only thing that was hallow was my heart. So if you dare try diuretics after reading this, than be prepared to take FULL responsibility for the unhappiness and potential WEIGHT GAIN that you will encounter. If you are already hooked (like laxatives, diuretics are physically addictive) then PLEASE stop using them NOW (you can taper off them, taking one less each day until you are taking none, you can also talk to a medical doctor for help).

THE NUMBER ONE TRICK? HIDING FROM YOURSELF

• DIET PILLS

Over the counter or prescription diet pills DO NOT WORK. If they worked none of the American public would be overweight. Period.

I promise that if the medical community ever discovers a pill that works you will hear about it because it will be as revolutionary as a cure for HIV/AIDS. The hard, cold TRUTH is that we do not know how to lose weight in any real, permanent way. The dieting industry is the ONLY business on the planet that has a 98% FAILURE rate and is still in business. Don't be fooled by the paid actresses and actors in the diet pill commercials. I have subjected my own body to every kind of stupid diet pill on the market and AT BEST these pills are temporary minor helpers in the struggle with weight and the effects NEVER LAST. But you can look forward to bad sad-effects, psychological addiction, and a lot of WASTED MONEY. If you have an eating disorder don't use diet pills. I actually think NO ONE should use diet pills because they fail everyone, and if you happen to lose a couple pounds you will gain it back and an extra couple pounds MORE because they damage your metabolism and confuse your body (and your mind!).

THE NUMBER ONE TRICK? HIDING FROM YOURSELF

• OTHER DRUGS (illegal and legal)

It is common for people with eating disorders to also battle with chemical dependency. My friend Caron is sort of recovering from anorexia, but is now addicted to CRACK COCAINE. Not exactly a step up. At a particularly desperate point in my eating disorder, I was abusing LSD (acid) because I convinced myself that an unexpected weight loss of 3 pounds was due to my first experiment with this drug. Yet another LIE. Some drugs may cause initial weight loss (speed, uppers, etc.) but that is a side effect that is NOT reliable and does NOT last. Much like the above list, illegal and legal substances can only promise physical and psychological addiction along with physical DAMAGE that can often lead to weight gain (again the metabolism is traumatized). In addition, those few drugs that may have initial weight loss side effects also have a "coming down" factor (also called "crashing") that WILL CAUSE DEPRESSION (more depression than you already know, believe it or not) and trust me, you can't afford to have more depression in your life. None of us can. This planet is suffering enough. Actually, the only drugs I recommend are ANTI-DEPRESSANTS.

THE NUMBER ONE TRICK? HIDING FROM YOURSELF

• SYRUP OF IPECAC ABUSE

This is one of the scariest tricks in the book. Syrup of ipecac is a POISON that is meant to be used in emergency rooms and in household emergencies to induce vomiting (when a person has swallowed another poison or overdosed and their life is threatened). Using Ipecac to induce vomiting for weight loss purposes is down right deadly and it will back-fire. Besides eating away at your throat and stomach tissue, Ipecac will make you FEEL SICK for hours. There is nothing clever about it. It's very expensive, very damaging, and AGAIN the long-term effects are NOT weight loss!!!! I had a patient DIE after having RECOVERY from her anorexia and bulimia, at the age of 34, from the effects of Ipecac abuse, even though she had not used it for five years. It had left behind severe permanent damage and it haunted her, caused her terrible medical problems (which cost time, money, and hospital visits), and then it just KILLED her. And that was it.

If you use this stuff, STOP and talk to someone (doctor, therapist, friend, stranger, journal, animal, whatever) AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. I'm serious. You will be glad you did, your body will be too. And if you have never used Ipecac and are feeling a bit of a thrill having read this and "discovered" a new trick, then you are welcomed to LIE to yourself as much as you want, but if that thought goes through your mind, YOU HAVE AN EATING DISORDER right now and eating disorders, whether we like it or not, are problems, are real mental disorders, and we need HELP. Period.

THE NUMBER ONE TRICK? HIDING FROM YOURSELF

• OTHER PURGING METHODS

There are many ways to induce vomiting that I have heard of over the years, other than the above mentioned (by the way, laxative, diuretic, and ipecac abuse are all forms of purging, technically). Methods ranging from the good (bad!) old fashion finger-down-the-throat, to inserting objects, such as spoons, knives, and other blunt objects down their throats... have been used to torment the body into vomiting. A remarkable one I've encountered involved taking a Life Saver, tying a string around it, swallowing the candy and then yanking on the string to cause a reflex-action (makes the name Life Saver a bit ironic). One of my own methods was to ram my stomach against a counter hard enough to cause bruising (how attractive, eh?) in effort to encourage my stomach to rid itself of food already ingested. NONE OF THESE CAN EVER BE A GOOD THING for your body, your desire to lose weight, or your overall day to day experience of life. All of them pose serious threats to your health and none of them will cause any real or lasting weight loss. If you have practiced them you may already know that... and, for many, purging ends up NOT BEING ABOUT WEIGHT LOSS but about trying to get something (namely, feelings) out of ourselves. It is common that purging is an attempt to rid oneself of ANGER. Because purging doesn't lead to any substantial weight loss, it is really important to challenge yourself and consider what the underlying goal of purging might really be. I talk about metaphors in the "Full" section and throughout this web page. PLEASE be willing to ask yourself what other reasons (other than weight loss) you might be willing to hurt your body by purging. Explore those other reasons with your journal, your therapist, a friend met on the internet, etc. I promise that as you begin to learn about WHY you are purging (in what ever method you are using), you will learn more about yourself and that is the most important thing in all of this...

THE NUMBER ONE TRICK? HIDING FROM YOURSELF

• HIDING -- MORE TRICKS OF THE TRADE

Hiding the changes in your body weight- by wearing baggy clothes, putting weights in your socks to fool the doctor's scale, drinking a gallon of water before a weigh-in, lying to people you love, etc.

Hiding the changes in your eating habits- by moving the food around on the plate, mushing it up instead of eating it, dropping food into a napkin, lying more and more, stealing food, etc.

Hiding the evidence- by throwing up in baggies, jars, trash cans, plants, cups, napkins, by hiding pills, stealing money, stealing pills, etc.

THE NUMBER ONE TRICK? HIDING FROM YOURSELF

I will say it again! HIDING FROM YOURSELF. ULTIMATELY, the Eating Disorder itself is the Trick and it's got You, you don't have it! It's the worst trick, the trickest trick of all....

What are we doing?? We are wasting ourselves. Why???

We use our brilliant minds, our imaginations, our talents, our energies, our health... we use all of it to HIDE from ourselves, to LIE to ourselves (and others), to HURT ourselves (and others, sometimes intentionally and sometimes not), and to AVOID our lives.

The most difficult trick of all is the eating disorder itself and what it has done to us (our minds, our bodies, our souls).

But if you can master the tricks of an eating disorder than I dare you to take on the tricks of something new: RECOVERY.

My heart is with you. Lisa