To be honest I was in a daze when these photos were taken, in 1994, I lost about three months of memory, I was very out of it (according to friends). Whatever fun I was expecting when I was "thin" wasn't available. There was just nothing... just an emptiness and haze and constant thoughts about food and weight and numbers... my soul was depleted of energy and I don't want to waste time like that ever again. The deadness in my eyes reminds me not to go back. No, I was never as emaciated as some people get, but for me, for my body and my mind, this state was a bottom. It was a nightmare and my quality of life was non-existant.