The UnderFed


		the Underfed my clients my self


		"the Underfed" is a good description of the teenagers (who are at all different weights, by the way) I work with. they are, so metaphorically & literally, Underfed. the Underfed includes all eating disorders: anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, eating disorder n.o.s., and compulsive eating - which is also called binge eating disorder & non-purging bulimia. it includes males and females, Blacks and Hispanics, the rowdy and the quiet, the popular and the shy, the straight, the gay, the bisexual, and the nerds, the cheerleaders, the C.E.O.s, the entertainers, and the large, the small, the mothers and fathers, sisters and brothers, young and old, strong and weak.

the Underfed

Some are visible, some are not, some never want to be known, while some want to be caught.

"At this moment in history, the West has decided it's in charge, and not for good reasons, and we have to turn it around or none of this shit (eating disorders and heartbreak, photos and talk show hosts) will matter. The people in charge of the world right now are maniacs. They are maniacs and need to be stopped before we lose everything we're working on." -Thom York of Radiohead

Good point. I vote that the artists run the world.

I can't talk politics at work. I understand, some people don't want to hear it. But I've got all these young people, who've literally made themselves sick from their emotional pains... and I ache to tell them about sexism (so they'll stop trying to fit a pretend mold) and abuse of power (so they'll recognize that they are good souls, unlike others who are deliberately hurting, manipulating and killing one another in order to run a government) and how crazy it is, in a way, that I have a job, a hard job which requires that I teach adolescents (at every chance I can, it's up to them to let me) how to feed themselves with love and have self-esteem at the same time. I will often look at my groups, these beautiful young creatures, and feel heartbroken that they don't know how beautiful they are.

How can you help? What if we turned in our weight and food obsessions for truth and justice obsessions? What if we stopped diminishing our power by diminishing our weight?

I don't want to be on a planet where the kind souls care for everyone except themselves and end up malnourished in so many different ways.

We have to do something to make it stop. We have to make real magick now.

		if anything has saved me, (and it wasn't my videocamera like they said on Dateline, which ran my eating disorder story in 1999), it has been MUSIC. For me, the passionate obsession with Duran Duran when I was 12, the political activist determination I had with U2 at age 14, and the fire inside that had me singing on stage in a rock band when I was 16... have all been reflections of something beautiful inside me, even when my mirrored reflection did not, in my eyes, reflect any beauty at all. Music gives me hope. And all the wonderful songs that get under my skin take me out of my eating disordered box and let me fly.


If you haven't heard... consider listening to: Placebo, Bjork, Radiohead, Muse, Garbage, Elbow and the songs my roomate writes and sings... visit him: thisfallenfiction



		So where do we go from here? Most of my clients think that if they haven't had nearly all of the medical complications and symptoms of eating disorders then their eating disorder is not "legit" enough, not bad enough and therefore they don't need help (much less challenge it or admit to be struggling with a problem). It is inherent in Anorexia that you cannot be Anorexic enough. You need not have one medical recourse, you may have only one or two, you may end up with a thick medical record but somehow not die... and still you can not be sick enough. If there was a "sick" enough, "anorexic" enough, "thin" enough, "eating disorder worthy of attention" enough I'm confident I would know by now. But that's the whole catch, ladies and gentlemen, the "enough" you may imagine is not actually available, so you may forever hunt for the goal but you will never find it. So as you step along, please ask yourself: where am I going? and don't lie to yourself and don't lie to me that you'll figure it out once you are thin enough.



					I know there is no such thing as thin enough. do you?


Once, a wonderful, vulnerable, fragile adult female client I worked with called the body an Earth Suit in attempt to reframe it so she could heal her life-long body hate.

What if Earth is a giant, living being? Some of us call her Gaia. and what if you and I starving, binge eating, purging and destructing through dieting was also starving, binge eating, purging and destroying Her?

The relapse rate among eating disorder professionals is disturbing.

I've talked so much about the Underfed, the Underfeeding, the under toe and I'm still not out from Under it. Do most of us just grow out of the eating disorder only to turn around and help others out of theirs?

As in addiction and alcoholism, most people who work with eating disorders have suffered themselves.

I've had moments of being worried that my life (so far) focus on this subject, either acting it out or treating it, is still a way of being stuck in a web I have learned, and now teach, to defy.

Music Heals. Art Heals. CREATIVE EXPRESSION HEALS!

I found that getting tattoos helped my personal body image.

Now my body is a work of art, with works of art on it! But I don't recommend getting tattoos to my clients! :-)

May Art Always Prevail

and bring Beauty to your life!

If want, you can use a small sampling from my site on your own BUT please credit my site and link to my site!! I've been working hard, don't get paid for it, and I pay so you can enjoy (or get angry at) this site with no ads or popups... so please be respectful of my efforts!